I got this from the blog daringyoungmom.com. I thought it was so great, and something that I think that we can all relate to.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus
stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and
pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters
ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand
in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s
seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still
swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind,
That’s
awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this
“mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before
that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your
hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t
been showing him.
My bubble had burst.
I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came.
Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You
are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are
loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking
to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra
for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of
what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do
tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has
it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again?
You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag
has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously
cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s
kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your
neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a
wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t
really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something
good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket
of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build.
You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that
tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for
the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from
the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the
bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was
thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one
of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of
Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little
Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing
more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re
rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in
your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was
spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in
the moment, then
I was a good listener, regardless of
the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were
talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my
Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then
I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work
out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with
my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag
to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.”
“I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house
is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the
next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these
things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you
can change this very instant. You may not think you can change
permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you
change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of
Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the
person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a
person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first
words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in
that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick
up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who
takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and
allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This
builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you
don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because,
as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these
Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but
through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at
church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the
table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance
to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think
of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to
overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and
the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised
overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and
poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the
table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and
daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can
ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with
joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket
is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light
increases.
And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare
today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and
we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious,
beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every
Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He
wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but
right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the
Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think
you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say
unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to
pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma
37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
